Midnight

Here it is almost midnight and I can't get her out of my head. We talked today as per my previous post yet she calls me like nothing is wrong and has me speak to her son about a school project me and her helped him work on. She texts me later they were working on another one. Like nothing was wrong. Can't she seethe torment she is putting me through? I want to write her an e-mail and explain my feelings, but then again good old me always takes the high ground on these matters. I wish I wasn't so much of a nice guy. First of all she wouldn't be bored and second of all my ex wouldn't be throwing all these credit card bills at me expecting me to pay with our final settlement.
I have always been the nice guy, but I think I have reached my limit. I may never see her again but it's better than putting up with all this shit. The last time I wrote her go to hell email it was Valentine's Day, I was drunk it just came out hateful as hell. Something I really didn't intend to do. You know what if she is bored of me, tell me, I'll move on. But when she sends mixed signals all the time what am I to think? All I know is that a part of me really wants her back and another part wants me to tell her to go to hell and don't contact me. The funny thing I have not been the one initiating contact this week, it's been her. Having this blog is a way to examine my feelings from a different perspective. Maybe if I had someone read it, maybe they could give me some insight. Maybe they will tell me suck it up like man, maybe they will suggest I Tell her to kiss off for the last time.
Maybe I'll give her the address to this blog so she can see what I am feeling.