Funny How Things Work Out

Well my new friend came over and we enjoyed each other's company. But for some reason she looked different today. We had a good talk and ate bagels and that was it. In the mean time my ex gf is texting me and asking what I am doing. I finally talked to her while I was at work. We made plans to go to lunch which we did. Enjoyed each other's company, nothing heavy just friends. I really enjoyed it. I asked if she wasn't doing anything let's go out tonight. While at lunch another gal I was talking to called me. I politely told her I would call back later. The ex was telling me I'd better call her and ask her out. What I did was tell the ex I would call her on the condition she, the ex would call later and tell me if she had plans.
I walked her to her car. When we got to the car the ex put a lip lock on me like there was no tomorrow. Told me how much she loved me, I in turn told her I love her too. The promise was still in effect, so we will see if she calls me or not. I did call the other gal and asked her to have coffee with me later. We will see how this evening pans out.

A Taste Of Her Own Medicine

well with me and the ex GF things go back and forth. She gets vindictive and tells me she is "Busy", her code word for a date all the time. Yesterday she said she may go out of town for the weekend. Rubbed it in my face real good and I was mad and let her know it too. Well I went out last night met a young Lady, we hit it off pretty good. She calls this morning and wants to bring me bagels and cream cheese for breakfast. I said yeah. She is on her way over now. In the mean time the ex calls and wants to know if I am busy today. I tell her I am headed to work and will be busy. I could tell in her voice she was put out a little. Oh Well.

Midnight

Here it is almost midnight and I can't get her out of my head. We talked today as per my previous post yet she calls me like nothing is wrong and has me speak to her son about a school project me and her helped him work on. She texts me later they were working on another one. Like nothing was wrong. Can't she seethe torment she is putting me through? I want to write her an e-mail and explain my feelings, but then again good old me always takes the high ground on these matters. I wish I wasn't so much of a nice guy. First of all she wouldn't be bored and second of all my ex wouldn't be throwing all these credit card bills at me expecting me to pay with our final settlement.
I have always been the nice guy, but I think I have reached my limit. I may never see her again but it's better than putting up with all this shit. The last time I wrote her go to hell email it was Valentine's Day, I was drunk it just came out hateful as hell. Something I really didn't intend to do. You know what if she is bored of me, tell me, I'll move on. But when she sends mixed signals all the time what am I to think? All I know is that a part of me really wants her back and another part wants me to tell her to go to hell and don't contact me. The funny thing I have not been the one initiating contact this week, it's been her. Having this blog is a way to examine my feelings from a different perspective. Maybe if I had someone read it, maybe they could give me some insight. Maybe they will tell me suck it up like man, maybe they will suggest I Tell her to kiss off for the last time.
Maybe I'll give her the address to this blog so she can see what I am feeling.

Good Evening

Well let's see, the Saga continues. The ex called me at work, said her Dad asked her to call. We talked and she told me one of the reasons things are how they are is because she was getting bored. I agreed, She asked why I didn't say anything, I told her I thought she was happy and didn't want to shake things up seeings how I thought things were going so good. asked her out with me this weekend, but she said she had other plans. I told her I would break whatever plans I had to go with her. No response. If she only knew. One of the reasons I was so upset about Valentine's Day is that I had plans made, bought her roses and the nine yards, only to be told basically she had a better deal than me. I normally don't like to dwell on things that happened in the past but this still bugs the hell out of me. I so wanted to tell her which dumpster her roses were in and the number of the restaurant I had dinner reservations at. But I didn't. I think I am better than that. But I am beginning to wonder now if she is really worth it.
I still love and want her but if she is going to put me through the wringer all the time, why is it worth the drama and games.
She said I was right about her son. But not right of how I went about it. Which is something I have said all along.

Simpsons Time

This is the time of night I like to settle back and look at the intellectual side of TV. The Simpsons. When I was married Homer fit me to a tee, only without the Duffs beer, Diet Coke is my tonic of choice. When my son was kid I used to refer to him as Bart because he used to pull type of stuff all the time. And as usual I was on him like stink on you know what. So to bring back memories of a simpler time I like to reminisce with the Simpsons. Ahh vintage tv, like a bottle of bubbly, only gets better with time.



Maybe I'll rant and whine about life in general later, but for now, I'll kick back and enjoy the hi jinks and shenanigans of the Simpsons.

Good Morning

Well it's weds morning. Hump Day and all that. Nothing particular to chat about this morning. The ex gf texted me last night to see how I was, I told her OK. And then she said she was checking because her Dad asked her to. I let her know her Dad can call me anytime he wanted. No answer. I guess that says allot. I am moving on. I want her back but on my conditions not hers. I know I messed up, but I know I was right to a certain degree and I am going to stand my ground on that principle. With any luck I won't get a barrage of texts from her today and can concentrate on work.


With training going on I have been saddled with extra work at the office, which is fine with me. Something to keep focused on. I have certain responsibilities to take care of and they need my attention.


Isn't it something about Rahm Emanuel being elected Mayor of Chicago? Doesn't surprise me one bit. After all he is the Chosen One of the Anointed One. In other words he was Obama's buddy. And Obama wouldn't have gotten anywhere without the support of Daley in Chicago. So it goes full circle. Daley gets Obama elected President and Obama helps Emanuel get elected Mayor of Chicago to take Daley's place. Funny how these things work. So you have same old stuff for the citizens of Chicago but in a new prettier package. Some things never change.


Coffee is almost done, time for a shower then off to work.

Idiots

How stupid can you get? easy-Jet an English based budget airline recently royally goofed up. On a flight from Tel Aviv to London recently they only offered pork based meals. Anyone with a tad bit of knowledge knows that people of the Jewish faith do not touch pork. As far as that goes Muslim folks, there are a few in the Middle East from what I hear, abhor pork also. I wonder what genius put this menu together? I work for a major US carrier and tell ya if this happened major heads would roll and it would be highly publicized. Of course the passengers were apologized to. I wonder if any refunds were offered?
With the comedy occurring in everyday life it will never be a boring world.

And So It Goes

This morning I got a text from my ex gf saying how much she was disappointed in me. I concurred with her. But I still told her how much I loved and wanted her and her kids in my life. She works for her Dad and her brother works there too. She told them about the situation. They agreed with me that her son was overdue an ass whipping and they are glad I gave it to him. I stood my ground with her in him deserving it, I did however let her know that I should not have used the belt like I did and I was wrong in that. I think a bare hand spank would have been all that was necessary. I asked her to thank her Dad and brother for supporting me. That was the last I heard from her and probably will be. I think I should leave her alone and think this through. I know I was wrong for using the belt and leaving a mark like I did. But I do know also that I was tired of him disrespecting his Mom and all the shit she had been through for him too. Spanking I will not apologize for, how I did it is another story.

I also told her to punch my Man Card. I had a tear or two in my eyes when I was realizing I was losing her. I still lover her soooo much and want her family to be my family. I guess I am wierd after all that I have been through with her but I still feel that way.

To quote an old Billy Joel song "And So It Goes". And we'll see where this goes next.

Tuesday Morning

We exchanged texts all night with me profusely apologizing over and over again. All with the same conclusion. We are finished! She accepted my apology, her son accepted my apology but she feels she can not trust her kids with me any more. I will do anything with this woman to make it right again. We have so much history and I would hate to have it go by the wayside because of my stupid mistake. I really love this woman and love the kids. I asked for another chance in my last text to prove myself but she said she couldn't afford anything like this to happen again. I told her I would promise I would never do anything like this again but received no reply. I guess that says allot there.

It seems life gives you road bumps. This is one of them that I will have to bear. Like I said when I started this blog facing the consequences of my actions and dealing with them is part of what this blog is all about. This is one action and consequence that will bug me for a long time. I never felt so bad about any action I have taken before. And never will.

I don't feel any better about what I did now this morning, but it felt good to get it all out and down in black and white here.

Fucked Up

I genuinely fucked up tonight. I had made things good with my ex gf again and things were going great. She mentioned her son and had come to the conclusion on a few things. Of which I agreed. One thing was to help him get his stuff together so to speak. So she asked me if I could help by giving him chores when he got home tonight. I did and he started with attitude to me and his mom. I didn't take kindly to this so I swatted him on the but once with my belt. I had done this before with his mom's permission but he always had jeans on. My first mistake biggest was not letting Mom know I was using a belt. The second was that I ended up leaving a bruise on his behind. He started again and this time I used my bare hand. Just once mind you. But once too many times. I really fucked things up with her because before anything else she is a great Mom and it seemed like I was a good team with her. Well she thinks otherwise and I don't blame her. She asked me to leave and in so many words said we could forget about us.
The thing is I love these kids like my own. I am proud of them and would do anything for them. I just totally fucked things up tonight. I have volunteered to talk to her Dad about it. I have volunteered to talk to anyone she wants me to about it.
I don't know what to do except know that I am going to miss them all. I already do. I have never done anything like this before in my life. I don't know why I did it without asking her first. I do love them and do care so much about them. But I understand where she is coming from. And don't blame her at all. She used to leave her kids in my care while she went out shopping. I loved having them too. I have had run ins with her son but never anything like this.
Like I said I FUCKED UP!! and know there is no way I can get them back.
I will always love them and have a special place in my heart for them. I don't understand why I did this. I never did anything like this with my own son when he was growing up.
I love them so much!

Monday Morning

Yesterday was a good day. Got a lot done, Ironing, watched a thrilling Daytona race, etc...etc....etc. One more thing, the Lady I was with with until a month ago called me, that itself was not that unusual. We had talked a few times since we stopped being a couple. But the conversation turned more personal than normal. She invited me over for dinner with her and her kids. And the short of it is, it is now 5 a.m. and I am now just getting home from her place. We did a lot of talking about any and everything. It felt good. We are going to see each other again. I don't want her to commit until she is sure about everything. And believe me I want to be sure also. But things are looking good for us so far. We'll see what happens. Sooooo
HAPPY MONDAY MORNING ALL!!!!

Daytona

Ahh Daytona, the Great American Race. Never boring and always suprises. 20 yr old Trevor Bayne won it on the day after his 20th birthday. I bet he feels like he's the stud of year now. I know I would be...LOL. I lost track of how many cautions there were but it was more like a demolition derby at one poit, especially after the 17 car pile up. My favorites did ok: Mark Martin 10th, will he ever retire?...LOL, Tony Stewart 13th, very respectable and Clint Bowyer 17th, would have placed higher if it wasn't for a crash or two. But then again without the crashes all of them could have, would have placed higher. One of the best races I have seen in years. Of course it being the 10th aniversary of Dale Earnhardt's tragic death, the tributes went on and on. All well deserved for Number 3. I know he was looking down today and saying " Yup,That's How You Race". RIP Number 3.
All for now, maybe more later. Got to iron clothes for work...UGH!!!

Sunday Morning

Good Morning one and all,
Just woke up at 9. A bit of a sleep in for me. Nice. Went out last nice had a good time drinking coffee and BSing. Havn't done that in awhile. Felt good. Today I am going to the shop I want to work at part time and get a couple of job apps. I talked to the manager friday and she told me to fill out an app and she would interview me on monday. Looking forward to it. Going to do groceryshopping too. Boy is my fun meter pegged...LOL. Well coffee's almost done and time to get going. Will talk later about events in the news and such.
Byr For Now

Going Out

Well it's saturday night and I am not going to sit home. I am meeting an old friend at a coffee house and spend the evening BSing about stuff. I feel wierd. I am still hung up on the Lady I was with until recently. Maybe a night out will do me good. I sure hope so. Hell with it, I know so...LOL.

A Post Script

I remembered to add this later, but if I was looking for sympathy, I know it's in the Funk & Wagnalls between Shit and Syphillis.
Th-th-th-atssss All Folks.

Welcome To My Blog

Folks this is part of my journey to a different way of life. I moved from my family in Northern IL to a new job in Tulsa OK in June of '09. In the period since that I realized I wasn't happy being married and rather enjoyed living on my own. I asked the wife for a divorce and after many tears and late night phone calls am finally getting one. I have or had someone here to help me along that path, but life is taking another turn and she is a friend now. I guess I am truly on my own for the first time since I left home at 17 to join the Air Force. I'm not whining mind you, but I do like sharp cheddar cheese with my whine, just taking the consequences one at a time for my actions. This blog will be therapeutic for me, a little humor now and then, politics, music and whatever else strikes my fancy at the time. I know you have heard before I will post every day, but I will give it my best shot, even if it's just a "Hi, I'm still here" post. So hang on and see how this goes. Hope you enjoy the journey I plan on it myself. Please post back, cuss or whatever to let me know what you think. All replies, negative or positive will get a good reading.
Once again, Welcome To My Blog.